


Old Memories

by Anonymous033



Series: Arospec Hayes [5]
Category: Conviction (TV 2016)
Genre: Aroflux Hayes, Aromantic, Arospec Hayes, Gen, Internalized Arophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 17:03:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8808832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous033/pseuds/Anonymous033
Summary: “Naomi, what if something made me this way?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This series no longer follows canon, and is canon-divergent after 1x08 "Bad Deals".

“How did you know aromantic was a thing, anyway?” Hayes asks.

She and Naomi are seated on her couch, their feet up and a bowl of popcorn balanced in between them on their laps; a game show plays on TV, but Hayes’ attention is elsewhere.

“Client of mine was very active in his college’s LGBT club. He introduced me to all these terms I’d never heard of … there was a lot to learn, but I gotta say I now know more about gender and sexuality than I ever thought I would.”

“Huh. He introduce you to aromantic?”

“Yeah. And I didn’t link it to you back then, but when you brought it up at the diner—everything made sense.”

Hayes chews on her lip. “That must mean I was pretty obvious.”

“Not really. Although I didn’t know aromanticism was a thing when we dated, either, so maybe that had something to do with it.” Naomi wriggles into a more comfortable position on the couch. “You just never seemed to like when I did special things, and you’d get this freaked-out look if I got too mushy.”

“I—tried to make sure you noticed it as little as possible.”

“I know you,” Naomi reminds Hayes. “I just figured you were getting used to it or something. I didn’t know you wanted me to stop.”

“I didn’t.” Hayes rubs a palm nervously against her slacks. “I mean, I did. But I didn’t, because I didn’t have a good reason for it. You were being sweet. I didn’t want to think I was _that_ much of a bitch that I hated my girlfriend bringing me flowers.”

Naomi hums understandingly.

“I was grateful?” Hayes offers. “I just … wasn’t good at being wooed, you know?”

“I know, Hayes,” Naomi answers.

Hayes waits, but Naomi doesn’t seem inclined to say more, so Hayes snuggles down into the couch herself and rests her head tentatively against Naomi’s shoulder. Naomi stiffens for a moment—it stings Hayes’ heart a little bit. But then the other woman relaxes, a hand coming up to pet awkwardly at Hayes’ head, and Hayes remains where she is.

“Naomi, what if something made me this way?”

Naomi’s voice is a low, calming rumble when she answers. “Do you think something did?”

“I don’t know.” Hayes rolls her free shoulder. “With my mom … and my dad … the paparazzi; everything. What if they messed me up somehow? My parents combined would give me enough trust issues to last for life, let alone the people following me _everywhere._ I mean, I liked the attention. I asked for it, so I can’t really complain. But what if somewhere along the way, I….”

She can’t bring herself to finish the question, but Naomi gets it anyway.

“Then it happened,” she says. “But just because it happened doesn’t mean you have to make yourself hurt over it now.”

Hayes lifts her head and gazes uncomprehendingly at Naomi.

“Are you happy being aromantic?” Naomi asks.

Hayes frowns doubtfully.

“Okay, lemme rephrase,” Naomi amends. “Barring the relationship struggles you’ve had, would you be a romantic person if you could?”

Hayes thinks about that.

On an abstract level, romance sounds like a nice concept, but—

She remembers when she’d realized she liked girls, at boarding school under the persuasion of curious lips and roaming hands. She remembers the boys she’d taken to prom and formal dinners and red-carpet events; the freedom she’d felt in knowing they were one-night engagements. She remembers the relationships she’s had—the somewhat lasting ones—and how much she had enjoyed their casualness before they had had to turn ‘serious.’

She thinks about the cases she’s worked; the students she’s taught; the classes she’s attended. She thinks about clubbing on Friday and Saturday nights and the stupidly long vacations she’s taken. She thinks about her brother, the best friends she’d once had, the team she now has—Frankie, who confides in her; Maxine, who’s learning to work with her; and Tess, who’s so very dedicated as to put together a folder of the things Tess thinks might help her.

Romance sounds nice on an abstract, conceptual level, but romance isn’t _her._

If there’s one thing about romance she could change, it would only be that up until the moment Tess had walked into her office sounding like a veritable encyclopaedia of words and knowledge, no one had ever told her it was okay to be without.

“No,” Hayes decides. “I’m—scared of being lonely, but there’s nothing new about that. Honestly? I don’t think I care if I never fall in love.”

“Then it doesn’t matter how you got here,” Naomi concludes with a small smile. “It’s just a Hayes thing, like all of your other quirks.”

Well, that’s food for thought.

Just to be petty, though, Hayes narrows her eyes at Naomi. “What if I had said I wanted to be a romantic person?” she challenges.

Naomi shrugs, looking unperturbed. “Then, we’d figure out how to go from there. My point is: You’re not harming anyone. You’re not harming yourself. No matter how you got here, you shouldn’t have to pick yourself to pieces just to see if you can fix where your wiring looks a little different to someone else’s.”

Hayes leans back against Naomi’s shoulder and mulls on that. “You’re right,” she admits with a deep breath.

“I always am, Hayes.” Above her, Naomi’s voice sounds a little smug. It makes Hayes laugh. “What?”

“I’m just thinking about if I’d had this conversation with one of my other exes,” Hayes answers. “Can you imagine if I’d talked about this with _Conner?_ ”

“He probably would’ve tried to handle you again,” Naomi agrees. “Are you gonna tell them?”

“Dunno.” Hayes sighs. “Not Conner. _Definitely_ not Becca. Tash might understand, since they’re a queer activist and all. Aaron … hmm. Y’know, Aaron was a weird one.”

“How so?”

“I both felt something for him and didn’t. It was bizarre; I don’t know. The first time I felt something for him I thought, _finally my emotions are kicking in,_ but then by the next day it was gone. And—I tried. It came back again, and then it was gone again. I never figured out what those feelings were. But … I didn’t think I was in love with him, and so I broke up with him.”

“How did he take that?”

“Like I had killed his puppy.”

“Ah,” Naomi comments, and Hayes chuckles bitterly.

“Would’ve saved me a lifetime of trouble if I’d known that saying I have no idea how romantic feelings work is a valid option.”

“You know now,” Naomi tells her gently, and it’s a little too kind, so Hayes sits up and rubs her own cheek instead.

“Your shoulder is bony,” she complains.

“You’re the one who wanted to lean on it,” Naomi returns, not in the least bit thrown.

“That was when I thought it would make a good headrest,” Hayes says, and Naomi rolls her eyes with a long-suffering expression on her face. She still obligingly adjusts her sitting position, though, and shifts the bowl of popcorn onto a more stable place atop her lap.

“I should charge by the hour,” she grumbles, but her good-humoured tone makes it clear that she’s kidding.

Hayes gives her an obnoxious grin.

And then Hayes moulds herself to Naomi’s side and reaches out for the popcorn.

* * *

Crossposted to: [Tumblr](http://anonymous033.tumblr.com/post/154296312492/old-memories-a-hayes-naomi-one-shot-how-did)


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